Satireday
Lessons hardly learnt
In the summer just gone by, in the days of sweating in 40 degrees Celsius, I was extremely comfortable that finally we have started bathing regularly, wearing clean clothes and possibly using some sort of deodorant.
Dhaka bikers block entrance/exit to city roads as symbol of protest
Yesterday, an ambulance could not get onto the expressway ramp near Tejgaon because motorcyclists were blocking the road on the left as traffic came to a slow crawl.
Assistant manager who threatened to resign 7 times made assistant deputy manager
An assistant manager in a local corporation has broken records by threatening to quit his position seven times in one day if he wasn’t given a promotion.
Keep sports clean of politics
When we were young, that for some of us is a long time ago; so long ago that you may need binoculars to see the 1960s. A magazine was published then, from most probably Karachi, Sports Times, I am trying to recollect. It was so long ago that today’s net search has zero relevant hits for that title and era. Unfaded in human memory, however, for the last over sixty years is the mast slogan of that very popular publication, “Keep sports clean of politics”.
HR manager upset that workers are actually productive while working from home
Local PR and content creation agency The Starmakers recently hosted a seminar on why employees should be back full time now that Covid is really over and we have bigger things to worry about like majority-approved genocide, air quality depletion, more Kardashian shows and lengthy run-on sentences.
Mirpur’s pitch made with climate change in mind: high source
The pitch in Mirpur on which Bangladesh are about to beat New Zealand today in the second Test today, or New Zealand are about to beat Bangladesh today, has become the topic of heavy discussion.
Managers rejoice as study shows Artificial Intelligence can’t replace Genuine Idiocy™
A study has come out from the University of Where the Sun Don’t Shine, proclaiming that Artificial Intelligence will never be able to replace Genuine Idiocy™.
Bureaucracy marathon receives great response
Chapasthan’s capital witnessed the Bureaucracy Marathon this Friday, an event designed to showcase the bureaucratic madness ingrained in daily life.
‘Digbaji’ celebrity Jaded Khan tumbles head over heels into mathematics
Michael Jackson created the Moonwalk. Tom Cruise likes to run like crazy in every movie. Shakira has hips that don’t lie. Clint Eastwood was famous for his line, “Are you feeling lucky, punk?”
Economic success now defined by how often men change the colour of their car
Economists worldwide have ditched traditional metrics like GDP that were always used to identify prosperity of a nation. It is no longer in fashion. Woke activists have been especially relieved now that the GDP (Gross Domestic Product) concept has been thrown out the window because they find it offensive to have the word “Gross” in their regular conversation. But also, a new theory is now in place.
Four friends travelling from Khulna perish from starvation in Dhaka traffic gridlock
Last Wednesday Mishap Talukder of Khulna set out on a road trip to the capital with his three best friends. They were celebrating their recent financial gains from a startup pyramid scheme called RiverValley. Their startup gained rave reviews where people spent money to buy little pyramids all across Bangladesh, Mongolia and the moon and name each pointy structure after their beloved.
He’s stealing my moves, cricket chief says after captain’s controversial interview
A recent TV interview by a current captain of a certain international cricket team has taken a drama-addicted fanbase by storm, and the chief of that particular country’s cricket board is insecure because he suspects the interview was a clear sign of the captain’s plan to take over his job.
Man cuts down on junk food only to be shunned by society
Society has once again done what it was created to do: shun the minority. Young Facebook reels entrepreneur Rayhan Haythere is upset because society has recently been upset with him.
Scientist invents instant transmission to alleviate VIP movement-related frustration
Dr Impossibru Patwary, a physicist working at the Chetona Innovation Labs at Palashi University, claims to have invented a device that can help individuals transmit their bodies instantly across short to medium distances.
Bangladeshi toddler named in Shorbes 3 under 3
Azlazin Zafriath, a two-year-old from Dhaka, has been named in the prestigious Shorbes 3 under 3 2023 list.
Additional brutality commissioner reprimanded for beating the wrong kind of people
The six-time-heavy-baton champion Additional Brutality Commissioner (ABC) Marum-Ek-Ghushi struck again (quite literally) and this time the blow unfortunately fell upon Chapasthan Young Men (CYM) members. The consequences were dire.
New iPhone comes with more features, but nothing that makes you actually attractive
The radical iPhone 15 launched a week ago with features that boggled the mind of smartphone users a decade ago. Apple adopted the USB-C charger that was first seen in 2014 when China’s Le smartphone launched it. No one remembers because the powerpoint presentations were not as polished back then.
Deshi Christopher Nolan ready with local Oppenheimer to fight against imported Jawan
Whoever thought the battle between Oppenheimer and Barbie was over, is actually living in a fool’s paradise.
Husband keeps making excuses to get on expressway, wife fed up
A wife in the capital has become exasperated following the opening of the elevated expressway as her husband refuses to take any other road, even though the expressway doesn’t yet serve the areas where they live or work.
Structure thought to be incomplete bridge was a completed shade all along
Ten years ago, construction of a bridge started over a fully functional road in the Kauwwasaki upazila of Bangladesh costing the people a hefty Tk 55 lakh. It stopped midway causing massive confusion, consternation and other difficult words to pop across the minds of IELTS students of that area.
Management trainee embraces ‘ownership mindset’, takes home office equipment
Police have raided his house for the equipment but none was found. The police, unsure what to do next, arrested him anyway, because why not!
