New iPhone comes with more features, but nothing that makes you actually attractive

The radical iPhone 15 launched a week ago with features that boggled the mind of smartphone users a decade ago. Apple adopted the USB-C charger that was first seen in 2014 when China's Le smartphone launched it. No one remembers because the powerpoint presentations were not as polished back then.  

Apple took their time waiting for people to forget USB-C existed. And then, wham! Now people are reminded through fancy-schmancy presentations with poignant pauses. Imagine if you are told that you are currently breathing air. It would make you pause with astonishment and probably pass out. Or the fact that you had free speech, sort of.

Apple also showcased their Dynamic Island feature which was available on the last device. It is the little black spot on top that shows notifications. Sure, other phones also have notification bars and such but a name like Dynamic Island makes you feel like Elon Musk after having bought Twitter: rich, powerful, all controlling. It's all in the name. Except perhaps X. That is just a letter. How do we even say that as a verb?

Apple took their time waiting for people to forget USB-C existed. And then, wham! Now people are reminded through fancy-schmancy presentations with poignant pauses. Imagine if you are told that you are currently breathing air. It would make you pause with astonishment and probably pass out. Or the fact that you had free speech, sort of.

The new iPhone also comes with more megapixels and more zoom to match the numbers of competitors. But what it refuses to do is make the buyers look as attractive as they think they do when posing with a new iPhone. Buyers are often under the impression that if they do a mirror pose showing the device carefully, they will automatically appear five times more attractive. Or five times richer. Apple has acknowledged this information and incorporated the number into their 5x zoom. "It is guaranteed to show how your neighbor two buildings away is also as unattractive as you are," said Smartein Phantz, who is the outsourced product development head in charge of making the device screws more aesthetic.

"I think the real seller is the subscription service that comes with every new device. We get unlimited 40 minutes of sitting time in any coffee shop in Dhaka and Chattogram without making any food purchases," said Tanzeel Jutas, writer and instagrammer. "I can take any number of aesthetic photos of coffee mugs in SouthEnd without spending a single taka, which I do not have anymore because I buy expensive gadgets."

The free coffee shop unlimited 40-minute subscription might just be the ticket to making people look a bit more rich and attractive. If not, Apple has stated their next device will definitely make users look more attractive because it will come out in an all new colours. The new iPhone comes out in 5 new colours: pink, blue, green, yellow and black. So, only green and pink then.

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