Satireday
Lessons hardly learnt
In the summer just gone by, in the days of sweating in 40 degrees Celsius, I was extremely comfortable that finally we have started bathing regularly, wearing clean clothes and possibly using some sort of deodorant.
Dhaka bikers block entrance/exit to city roads as symbol of protest
Yesterday, an ambulance could not get onto the expressway ramp near Tejgaon because motorcyclists were blocking the road on the left as traffic came to a slow crawl.
Assistant manager who threatened to resign 7 times made assistant deputy manager
An assistant manager in a local corporation has broken records by threatening to quit his position seven times in one day if he wasn’t given a promotion.
Keep sports clean of politics
When we were young, that for some of us is a long time ago; so long ago that you may need binoculars to see the 1960s. A magazine was published then, from most probably Karachi, Sports Times, I am trying to recollect. It was so long ago that today’s net search has zero relevant hits for that title and era. Unfaded in human memory, however, for the last over sixty years is the mast slogan of that very popular publication, “Keep sports clean of politics”.
HR manager upset that workers are actually productive while working from home
Local PR and content creation agency The Starmakers recently hosted a seminar on why employees should be back full time now that Covid is really over and we have bigger things to worry about like majority-approved genocide, air quality depletion, more Kardashian shows and lengthy run-on sentences.
Mirpur’s pitch made with climate change in mind: high source
The pitch in Mirpur on which Bangladesh are about to beat New Zealand today in the second Test today, or New Zealand are about to beat Bangladesh today, has become the topic of heavy discussion.
Managers rejoice as study shows Artificial Intelligence can’t replace Genuine Idiocy™
A study has come out from the University of Where the Sun Don’t Shine, proclaiming that Artificial Intelligence will never be able to replace Genuine Idiocy™.
Bureaucracy marathon receives great response
Chapasthan’s capital witnessed the Bureaucracy Marathon this Friday, an event designed to showcase the bureaucratic madness ingrained in daily life.
‘Digbaji’ celebrity Jaded Khan tumbles head over heels into mathematics
Michael Jackson created the Moonwalk. Tom Cruise likes to run like crazy in every movie. Shakira has hips that don’t lie. Clint Eastwood was famous for his line, “Are you feeling lucky, punk?”
Economic success now defined by how often men change the colour of their car
Economists worldwide have ditched traditional metrics like GDP that were always used to identify prosperity of a nation. It is no longer in fashion. Woke activists have been especially relieved now that the GDP (Gross Domestic Product) concept has been thrown out the window because they find it offensive to have the word “Gross” in their regular conversation. But also, a new theory is now in place.
Four friends travelling from Khulna perish from starvation in Dhaka traffic gridlock
Last Wednesday Mishap Talukder of Khulna set out on a road trip to the capital with his three best friends. They were celebrating their recent financial gains from a startup pyramid scheme called RiverValley. Their startup gained rave reviews where people spent money to buy little pyramids all across Bangladesh, Mongolia and the moon and name each pointy structure after their beloved.
My time on the sidewalk
The Sun shines, a relentless yellow, My watch strikes 8:04am, The little window to escape wasting away For eternity or till 10:20am,
Cities that looked like Europe from the sky now looking like the Pacific
Once one of the greatest actors of our galaxy compared the cities of Chapasthan with those of Europe. He was so overawed by the celestial appearance of his country’s cities that he could not resist rating European cities lower.
Management trainee embraces ‘ownership mindset’, takes home office equipment
Police have raided his house for the equipment but none was found. The police, unsure what to do next, arrested him anyway, because why not!
Panic ensues as woman swings from coconut tree
In a rare sighting, a woman was found swinging from a coconut tree by clutching onto one of its leaves in Dhaka’s Elephant Road area on Saturday morning, creating severe panic among residents of the capital.
The story behind Trump’s ‘perfect’ mugshot
Former US president Donald J Trump, also someone who “they say” is the current US president, has been honing his “mugshot face” since January 6, 2021 -- the day on which he allegedly instigated an insurrection.
Comment Warrior Association in disbelief after India’s lunar triumph
The netizens of Bangladesh, the epicenter of social media-based intellectuals, stormed the internet once again following India’s historical astronomical leap.
Taliban shuts down beauty parlours to save monthly budget
In the latest turn of ridiculous events, the Taliban has shut down beauty parlours throughout Aarghmenistan in an attempt to decrease electricity bills and increase the country’s defence budget. The incident came to light when Supreme Leader Akhter was making his bi-annual budget for the year.
Netizens and other sensitive people upset by actors like Bradley Cooper acting like other people
Netizens and other sensitive people are out for blood and a few millimetres off Hollywood Actor Bradley Cooper’s nose. Cooper is set to play real life conductor, composer, pianist, music educator, author, and humanitarian Leonard Bernstein. Cooper needed to add some length and girth to his leading man nose so he used a prosthetic to match the likeness of the man he is playing.
Guardians no longer sad about their children scoring eggs in exams
In an epic U-turn in the outlooks of Bangladeshi parents, eggs -- once considered to be the worst possible outcome -- have now become the most desired marks in the exam papers of their children.
Youth forced to start eating healthy as soft drink prices cross Tk 100
Earlier with the price hike of potato chips, inflation dawned upon the youth of Bangladesh for the first time. But our young generation somehow recovered from that inflation and continued to devour packaged food like the very concept of cholesterol doesn’t exist. However, as the price of 1-litre soft drinks has finally hit the sweet spot of 100 bucks, our youth is going through their worst crisis to date -- having to live without soft drinks.
