Stages of grief when you are not invited to your friend’s wedding

*Ding!*

You have an unread message.

As you look at your phone to see what all the fuss is about, the message in your notification bar takes you aback.

"Hey, did you hear she got married?"

"Who got married?!" You ask yourself in disbelief.  Did your friend truly not let you know that she was making such a significant decision? Furthermore, did she not want you to be a part of her big day? How do you even react to such news? What is this feeling?

Confusion?

After hearing such news, you ought to feel some type of way. But feeling good isn't the first thing on that list. It's a challenge to move past the denial stage.

A marriage is a great deal. She got hitched! But why didn't she feel the need to include me in her celebrations? Are we not close enough? Did I do anything wrong?

You're confused. We used to tell each other every little detail of our lives, we hit each other up over trivial inconveniences. How could she not tell me? What am I feeling? 

Anger? 

Nobody likes being left out, and when a close friend or relative does it on purpose, it pierces you like a sword. It's typical to feel angry or frustrated.

It genuinely feels unreal. You go into your friend's profile and stalk her wedding photos.

She didn't have to drop the bomb like that! Were all these years of friendship just a ruse?

You can't help but resent everything that just happened. You try to make sense of what might have happened.

Maybe she had restrictions. Or perhaps she had to cut her guest list short.

But then you see another friend posting about how great the event was and how much they all enjoyed it.

Read more

All my friends are getting married

BETRAYAL?

You finally sense that hint of betrayal. Things like this force you to reevaluate your interpersonal relationships and assess your value in other people's lives more thoroughly. Betrayal stings. In moments like this, you might want to look for ways to regain control of what you are feeling. You might even feel compelled to ask your friend why you weren't invited.

But that won't change a thing.

Sadness.

Sometimes we fail to realize that we place ourselves in people's lives based on what we accord them in our hearts. There are tiers to friendship. Sometimes you're at the peak while at other times you slowly drift off as life comes in the way.

It is essential to understand that friends turn into acquaintances. While coping with heartache can be difficult and ugly, setting boundaries is crucial if you want to avoid the disappointment that comes with unrealistic expectations.

In your heart, you still know you like your friend even though the dent this incident left is permanent. As hundreds of scenarios start playing in your mind, you choose to take the high road and let go. And through this, you've reached the last station on the train of your grief.

Acceptance.

Growing up is hard. But life is too short to waste time lamenting over missed opportunities.

Farnaz Fawad Hasan is a disintegrating pool noodle wanting to stay afloat. Reach her at [email protected]